forgive + forget

I am bad at loving people.

Today’s post inspiration comes from a lot of events in my recent life and a tweet I read this afternoon by one of my favorite people, Bob Goff.

“Selfless love is always costly; fear can’t afford it, pride doesn’t understand it and friends never forget it.”

Bob Goff is an amazing inspiration to me for many many reasons, but perhaps most notably because he was able to wreck my world at 12:57pm on a Monday in less than 140 characters.

I wish I could say I was the kind of person that didn’t hold grudges, but that wouldn’t be true. I wish I could say that I could easily forget things, but that would not be true either. I don’t consider myself an angry or bitter person in general by any means, but I would by lying if I said that I don’t find myself feeling angry or bitter every now and then. Even worse, I most often find myself feeling this way towards the people I love the very most: my close friends, my parents, people who know me as well as I know myself.

Sometimes, I feel like my relationships with people I love are conditional: that I’m trying harder than they are, that I am more invested than they are, that I want their affection more than they want mine, that I need them and maybe they are fine without me. This is a scary feeling. And a frustrating feeling. It’s like working on a group project when you end up doing all the work. Yes, the project is completed, and maybe even good. But you know that it was only accomplished because you put in the work, while everyone else gets the credit. It seems unfair! The natural human response to emotional mistreatment is sadness, initially, soon followed by anger and bitterness. We feel slighted, hurt, offended, neglected. Especially when this kind of treatment comes from people we love. We may wonder why this happens. Why would they want to make me feel this way? Why won’t they try harder? Am I not worthy of their love and friendship? What did I do wrong?

The only answer I can come up with for these longing questions is this: we are human. We are not like Christ. We cannot always understand the feelings of others. We are not always in tune with what people need from us. We are inherently selfish and self-seeking and we look after our own hearts before we ever think of someone else’s. On the flip side, when we are the victim of these situations, we become angry and bitter. This is because when our needs are not met or our feeling are not understood, again, we cannot always understand the feelings and actions of the other person. We are not in tune with each other at all times. We all react and feel differently.

Ultimately, every short-coming in our lives revolves around the fact that we are broken people who are in need of a Savior. How thankful I am to be able to say that we have one! And accepting salvation in Jesus Christ means the forgiveness of our sins and short-comings. Because of this, God operates on a system of grace, love, and forgiveness. He does not hold grudges. He does not count our sins against us.

           

“Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!” –Micah 7:19

Christ’s love was so big that he didn’t even look at our sins against him. He does not hold a grudge when we mistreat him. Or when we mistreat those whom he loves. He simply loves us. When I think of Christ, I think about all he has done for me, how much he has loved me, and how much he has forgiven me. If the entire purpose of the Christian life is to be more Christ-like, shouldn’t we be modeling these traits?

A few weeks ago, I was praying to God about how upset I was that a close friendship of mine had taken a sad turn. I was heartbroken that I was feeling like I was losing someone I cared about, and that this person did not care for me in the same way I cared for them. I prayed to God in my anger to make my friend change and for our problems to be resolved. I was harboring old hurts and feelings. I was bitter. I was angry. And I could hear the Lord loud and clear when he said, “Who are you to withhold forgiveness? Do you not know how much I have forgiven you? How much I have sacrificed for you? I do not withhold my love even when you reject me. You are to do the same.” And that’s when I realized how terribly unaligned my heart was with his will. I was thinking and feeling in such a worldly way, and not with a Kingdom mindset. When we harbor angst and animosity towards others, it only hurts us and our relationship with Christ. My pastor at home always says, “Being bitter is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Bitterness only hurts you.

The Bible is very clear when it comes to our purpose here on earth.

“ ‘Teacher, which on is the greatest of the laws?’ Jesus said to him, ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, You must love your neighbor as you love yourself.’ “ –Matthew 22:36-39

That is all Jesus has asked us to do: love God, love people. In doing this, we are to live a life of love, forgiving others because he loved and forgave us first (1 John 4:19). The fate of the world was saved because one holy man dared to love them all (John 3:16). Love literally saves lives. If we want to love him in return, we must do as he did: love and forgive.

“Then Peter came to Jesus and said, ‘Lord how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him, up to seven times?’ Jesus replied, ‘I tell you, not seven, but seventy times seven!’ “ –Matthew 18:21-22

That is a lot of times. We are not called to forgive on the basis of which we believe the person deserves it, but rather to forgive freely and love others. Love = Forgiveness. Certainly this is what is pleasing to the sweet creator who has loved us so deeply.

God loves people. If we are chasing after his heart, we have to love them too.

Let our hearts, like doors, open wide.

God, I am so sorry that I have every failed to forgive someone you love. I know that it is what you have done for me so many times, and infinite number of times, and will continue to do so. You are so gracious to me, Lord, and I do not deserve your forgiveness. But you offer it anyway. Help me to love as you do, and forgive freely. Help me to let go of old feelings of anger and instead to choose joy in you and see the best in people because you love them. Let me love selflessly and with reckless abandon so that you may delight in me. I love you God, and I hope to love as you have loved me.