lost + unsure

I am often lost.

Last weekend, I traveled to Auburn (gross I know) with a good friend of mine to accompany her while she visited her boyfriend and best friends from high school. One thing I love about this semester is that (despite my heartbreak at the end of football season) I have so much more time to explore my surroundings and have fun on the weekends. A 3 hour drive to Auburn was completely feasible to do on a Friday afternoon, and it was a fun way to spend our weekend. I love little adventures like this. So an adventure within the adventure included visiting the Chewacla State Park to hike, hammock, jump the river, almost kill ourselves, etc. The two of us girls went with her three guy friends who knew the trails of the park as well as cool, hidden places to stop and enjoy along the way.

I was so thankful to have these guys as our own personal tour guides in the park. Even though there were a few signs labeling different trails that you could take in the park, I honestly think that if I was left to my own devices to navigate that place, I would have been lost for days until someone came to my rescue. They somehow knew every additional turn to make, recognized the area, and remembered places that they had visited only one or two times. This was baffling to me because I am quite possibly the WORST navigator in all of history. I mean seriously, I had to type “Target” into GoogleMaps on my phone for the first 3 weeks I lived in Tuscaloosa…and it’s literally a mile from my dorm. I am easily lost, mostly because very seldom do I pay attention to where I am going the first time I go. I think it’s because I get so caught up in the scenery of everything around me. Whether it was the trees and waterfall at the park that day or the various shopping centers and landscapes around town, I am so busy getting distracted by the outside stuff that I don’t really pay attention to the path I am on.

In a similar fashion, I sometimes feel as if I have no idea where I am going with my life. Sure, I wake up every day and go to school, partake in various extracurricular on and off campus, I eat regularly (okay maybe too often), read my Bible, use social media, and the list goes on. I have a daily/weekly routine that I follow. I am constantly putting one foot in front of the other, almost by memory, and simply “doing life” day to day. It’s easy to ask myself, “what am I going to do today?” But it’s far more complicated to say, “what does my life mean today?” or “what does God want to use me for today?”

Sometimes, I am completely lost on my spiritual journey. I am so caught up in the scenery of it all: school, friendships, activities, and social events. Sometimes I don’t even realize the path I am on. The path in which God is directing me. The path to accomplishing his will. I rarely step back and look at the bigger picture of how God is really working in my life and how each individual step has been an element of my Kingdom purpose here.

I used to spend a lot of time asking God about my purpose. Why am I here on this earth? How do you want to use me? What am I going to grow up to be? Who am I going to lead to you? But after years of heart-searching, it was as if God was telling me you are right where I have placed you. Journeys are made up of steps after all! And I firmly believe that being here --at this university, in these classes, with these people, having these experiences-- is exactly where God intends for me to be. Doing this life everyday, encountering new people, having meaningful conversations, praying for those around me, doing my best in every opportunity that he has blessed me with; this is the path he has set me on for this particular season of life. And the path could change at any minute. For all I know, God may turn this season of life sour for me in order to tell me that he wants me somewhere else. Listening to God’s commands isn’t always done with our ears but with our eyes. We must always be alert of his presence and how he is using our hearts. [Proverbs is an excellent book for scriptural “advice” on daily living and being attentive to God’s will, and it conveniently has 31 chapters, so you can read one a day and finish in a month!]

“Commit to the Lord everything you do, and he will establish your plans.”

–Proverbs 16:1

“In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” –Proverbs 16:9

“In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your path straight.” –Proverbs 3:6

When I returned to school for the spring semester, I found out that a bed space had opened up in my good friend’s dorm. I wanted so badly to move in with her and be on the other side of campus where all of my close friends lived. But after weeks of waiting for a response to my room change application, weeks of living half-packed in my little dorm, weeks of praying to God if this was what he wanted, I realized that nothing was going right with the situation. Instead of being frustrated that the thing that I wanted so badly wasn’t working out, I had to realize that God was giving me signs that I was right where he wanted me all along with my current roommates in my current dorm. This was such a small thing! Just a housing arrangement. No big disastrous ordeal. No dramatic life change. Just a small change of direction orchestrated by God, a change that I had to pay attention to and respond to. Our God is a big God that does great things, but he also does small things with great love. We must trust in the Lord’s plan for us, and trust that where we are is where we are meant to be: physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually. And it’s not always going to be easy. I firmly believe that if we are walking in a direction that God has not chosen for us, things will go wrong. And we will be redirected. And the not so happy truth about this is that it may not be where we want to go. But if we align our hearts in accordance with his will and submit every element of our lives to him, the Bible promises us that our path will be good and prosperous for his kingdom. How comforting to know that our God has made a way for us!

I may be a terrible navigator. (No actually it’s a proven fact that I am a terrible navigator) But thankfully, I trust in the God who is the perfect navigator. Better that Sacagawea or Lewis and Clark. Better than GoogleMaps. My God cannot create an imperfect path. Sometimes, the path is unclear because we are so distracted by the scenery. We get so caught up in the scenery --the daily grind of schoolwork and the relationships we make, the trees and the waterfalls-- that we don’t even see where we are going. But we are always going. And if we trust in God, consult his Word, and stay in communication with him, then we will be going in a direction that is pleasing to him.

I may not always know exactly where I’m going, but may it always be on the way closer to him.

           

            { You will illuminate the road before me, and I will follow. }

           

{ You steady me, slow and sweet, we sway. Take the lead, and I will follow. Finally ready now to close my eyes and just believe that you won’t lead me where you don’t go. }

Thank you to Bethel Music for these beautiful song lyrics that always provide me with such great comfort!

Heavenly father, thank you for your perfect Word and your perfect love. Thank you for directing me when I am often navigating so far outside of the path you have set for me. Thank you for continuing to place my steps when I am far too distracted by the other things I have going on. Thank you for loving me, despite the fact that I am so lost. I pray that you strengthen my trust in you that I may always look for ways to accomplish your will. Make me more aware of your presence and what you want to do with me. I love you, may my heart desire nothing outside of your perfect will.