single + radical

I am single.

This past August, I embarked on my college journey as a freshman at the University of Alabama {roll tide roll} which is precisely 915 miles away from my home in Midland, Texas. There are many things I could talk about related to this transition, but I’ve had a semester to handle all those things, so I will spare my blog of those details (for now at least).

I was never much for serious dating. But since my freshman year of high school or so, there was always a boy, in some way, that I was involved with. However, in the summer before my senior year, I met a new boy and embarked on my first ever, long-term, serious relationship. Game changer. At the time, I had NO idea that it would be my first ever long-term, serious relationship; I figured it would be a short-term fun time as my others had been. But it became much more. I dated this boy for over a year. And yes, we even attempted to stay together when I entered college (practically against my will). 915 miles apart from one another. He was still in high school, I was in college at one of the biggest universities in the country, I didn’t envision us getting married, so long story short, I broke up with him shortly after I arrived at school. We were on separate planets for all practical purposes. And it didn’t make sense to me to hold onto something that wasn’t helping me grow anymore. C’est la vie as the say. I was at peace.

I assumed that my newfound singleness would mean that I would instantly start meeting/flirting with every boy I encountered and would eventually find a new boy to pursue. Man, was I wrong. My first semester was almost entirely void of new boy toys. Not having attention from male peers felt so strange. All my sorority sisters were taking hot, sweet, fun boys to date parties and hanging out on the weekends and having game day dates, and here I was, being single, and not meeting hot, sweet, fun boys. I wallowed in self pity and sarcastically complained to all of my friends about how “no one likes me” and “I will never find another boyfriend” and “I don’t even want to take boys to date parties anymore.” But in reality, I was struggling with serious issues of self-validation, insecurity, and identity.

Despite my pathetic love life, my first semester was actually one of the best times of my life when it came to my spiritual journey. God began to reveal himself to me in ways I had never seen. I was spending time in the Word and in community with my sorority sisters and getting plugged into a new church, and I was loving every minute of it. I began to realize that God was using this time to draw me away from desires of the flesh and draw me closer to his face. He was humbling me before himself. This was bittersweet. I had always dreamed of finding a sweet, God-loving, church-attending frat boy at Bama. But as the search continued to come up dry, I realized God’s message for me was, “My child, can’t you see that I am more than enough for you? I have love for you that no boy , or human being, can ever compare to. You are my beautiful creation and I believe you are more than enough on your own. I created you and I love you exactly where you are. Why can’t you believe that about me?”

So I cried out to the Lord to change my heart and draw me even closer to him. I attribute much of my fantastic spiritual growth to the fact that I didn’t have the temptation and distraction of boys at the time. And so, I had a miraculous idea.

Dating sabbatical.

But not just any dating sabbatical.

A radical sabbatical.

Now, it's not like this is my first experience with being single, by any means. However, I am devoting myself this spring semester to remain free of boys. (Brief parenthetical--I have always been a "guys gurl." Nearly all of my close friends from high school were, and still are, boys. I spent my days playing video games and giving girl advice and playing music with a bunch of boys throughout my entire life. I am very good at maintaining platonic relationships with guys. So yes, I will still have guy friends this semester. I would die without them. Sororities are great but there is far too much estrogen flying around for me to handle at times. Having friends of the opposite sex is awesome, I highly recommend it. That is all!)  

I plan on spending this semester focusing on me + God. He is my main man after all, right? I am in a season of life where I am continuously struggling with typical questions of self-validation, self-worth, purpose, etc: questions that can only be answered by diving into God’s word, spending time in his presence, and relentlessly pursuing a serious, long-term relationship with him. The only one who can satisfy the human heart is the one who created it. So I’m sticking with him. For all of eternity, of course. But for the next 5 months (at least) I want to devote my energy to my life’s most important relationship, removing any and all distractions that may threaten it. And I am going to journal and blog my way through it.

<< Disclaimer >> Dating sabbaticals are not for everyone. Plenty of people are in healthy and thriving relationships that are very beneficial. And a plenty of others are fine to flirt and date casually and be merry. And plenty of people are able to identify as single and talk to whoever they like. But I believe that the best way for me to really focus on this spiritual transformation is to abstain completely from all fleshly desires (be it casual dates or full-on exclusive relationships) and run full speed ahead to my God.

This is my sabbatical game plan:

1. Read God’s word every single day

2. Find additional literature that pertain to Godly relationships, singleness, self-worth, or specifically dating sabbatical (Christian fiction, devotionals, testimonies of other Christian singles, et.c)

{I am currently reading "Free to Be Me" by Staci Eldrege -- such a great book on Christian female empowerment}

3. Journal the entire way, as often as possible

4. Find a friend who will either go on sabbatical with me or support and encourage me along my journey

5. STICK IT OUT, no matter what may happen

I am so incredibly excited to see what God reveals to me during this time. I am so excited to become close to his heart and see how he changes mine.

God, thank you for loving me, even when I have put other things before you. Thank you for the relationships that you have placed me in, which have taught me about myself and your love for me. Please keep me strong and diligent on this journey. Reveal yourself to me and show me your love so that I may learn to love in the same way. I love you, and I can’t wait to see the center of your heart.