them + Him

I am annoyed.

Let’s be transparent, shall we? Anyone who knows me can attest to this. I, while extremely chill and relaxed about 90% of the time, have SUCH a short fuse when it comes to people around me. The way people say things, how someone gets overly excited about things, when people freak out over what I view as no big deal, when people don’t understand me…the list goes on and on. Sometimes, I am really bad at listening, because I have difficulty tolerating people, and I shut down. I wish I could say “I can’t help it,” but I know full well that it is a terrible personality trait of mine that I want to change, and am working on changing.

[ So to all out there who have been on the receiving end of my sass or silence, I am so very sorry. The Lord is working in me. Please be patient with me. ]

One of the ways I try to diffuse some of my irritation is to talk to my best friend Rachel. I often find myself texting/calling her throughout the day when I am in situations when I start to feel annoyed. Just this past week, I texted Rachel one evening, complaining about how annoyed I was about a situation and wishing that I wasn’t so easily aggravated. And she didn’t reply in harmony with me. She didn’t say, “oh wow, I would be annoyed too.” She replied with my best advice I could ever receive. 

“Look at them like Christ does.”

Wow. Such a simple piece of advice. As Christians, this is a concept we know very well. You’ve probably heard it in church or in Bible study or read it in Jesus Calling. And it’s such a simple idea; but for many of us (at least for me) it can be very difficult to put into practice. Mostly because, simply put, we are not Christ. We are humans, full of sin and negativity, lacking in love and grace. We are all irritable sometimes. We all struggle to see the good in the others, the good in every day. We are imperfect.

But the goal isn’t to be perfect, or nicer, or better even. The goal is to see people.

[ See them like Him ]

This got me thinking. Seeing people like Christ does is a two-fold endeavor. First, we are called to look at other the way that Jesus does, as the Bible calls us to. It is important to see how Jesus treated others, so that we may learn to imitate it.

 [ Jesus was compassionate ]

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd.” –Mark 6:34

[ Jesus suffered for others ]

“For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ has suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.”  -1 Peter 2:21-22

[ Jesus served others ]

“You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. –John 13:13-15

Jesus loved peopled fiercely, despite their flawed and sinful nature. He loved Peter even though he knew he would betray him. Jesus died for people who may never come to know him. That is serious love. And he calls us to live in the same way. Throughout the Bible, we are called:

            [ beloved ] Ephesians 5:1

            [ beautiful ] Song of Solomon 1:15

            [ forgiven ] Psalm 32:1

            [ loved ] Song of Solomon 7:6

If this is the way that God sees you, isn’t this also how he sees every one of his children? A lot of the times when I read the Bible, I read the word “you” as if it is speaking directly to me. And rightfully so, because it is! But it is also speaking to every single human being on this earth. If you want to see how loved you are, replace “you” with your name. “McKenna is altogether beautiful, there is no flaw in her.” (Song of Solomon 4:7) If you really want to love how Jesus did, try replacing “you” with someone’s name. “Rachel is altogether beautiful, there is no flaw in her.” Or maybe especially for people around you who are hard to love. “My mean professor is altogether beautiful.”  Or “The talkative girl in my accounting lab is altogether beautiful.” You know what Jesus would even say? “The men that murdered me are altogether beautiful.” You see, Jesus’ love and grace is not limited to me, or the people of the church, or people I know, or Americans. There are no limits to his love. He doesn’t leave anyone out. And neither should we.

The second way to love them like Him is to see people how God the Father sees them: When God looks at us, he sees Jesus. How glorious and merciful and gracious is that???? Because of the salvation we receive through faith in Jesus, God no longer sees us as the dirty sinners we are, but rather as spotless, perfect, righteous children who reflect the light of Christ. You are glowing with Christ. So when we look at others, we must look at them like we would look at Jesus.

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it one of the least of these brothers and sisters you were dong it to me!’” –Matthew 25:40

When we are rude to others, we are being rude to Jesus too. When we fail to shower people with love, we fail to love Jesus. Doesn’t that put things into perspective? I can’t imagine how heartbroken I would be if Jesus was on the receiving end of some of the things I have said to people around me. Would I give Jesus a death glare? Would I ignore him? Would I say anything rude to him? Would I fail to be kind? Of course not, I love him! With this in mind, we have to treat people with love at all times. Not just when we feel like it or when it is easy. We have to do it when we are tired, when we are in a bad mood, when we don’t like them, when they have hurt us. Day in and day out, we are called to be His hands and feet. If we want to honor God, we must strive in every situation to choose to be more like Jesus. That is how we choose joy.

It's not going to be easy. The sanctification process (becoming more like Christ) is not easy. It's not our natural tendency to always be kind. But choosing to act as Jesus would is worth it. Choosing to love others, even when we don't want to, is good. It is pleasing to Him. It brings glory to His name. So see them like Him, today and every day, because He sees you.

Lord, thank you for seeing me. Thank you for loving me even though I am sinful and wrecked and broken. The goodness of your Son is what makes me realize the dirtiness of my own life, and for that I am thankful. Thank you for sending him to be my light. I pray that you continue to break down the pride and arrogance in me. Help me speak kindly to others and not get easily annoyed, because you never lose patience with me. Help me to be slow to speak and slow to anger. Remind me of your grace and teach me to pour it on others. Thank you, for pursuing me daily, regardless of whether or not I pursue you. Thank you for seeing me like you see Him.

fire + fizzle

I am not always who I want to be.

I am a Christian. I lead my daily life as a follower of Christ. I attend several college services throughout the week, several intimate Bible studies, and church on Sundays. I help lead a Bible study for my sorority and I spend lots of time in prayer.

But my oh my, most days I am falling apart at the seams. Not only in the messiness of my exterior, but the brokenness of my interior.

You know who doesn’t seem to be falling apart at the seams? Everyone else. Going to school in the south and being part of so many great ministries is a both a blessing and a curse. There are so many truly incredible and inspiring people who seem like they really have their lives in order; spiritually, socially, emotionally, relationally, the list goes on and on. I look up to these people. I admire them from afar. I wish maybe I were more like them. I know that my relationship with the Lord is secure. But the human in me (aka all of me) is very insecure. She compares herself to others and doubts her heart’s real desires. She is selfish and skeptical of others. She is easily angered and quick to speak. She is sinful. She is sad about these things. (Something strangely therapeutic about third person, amiright?)

I feel a lot of pressure to get it together, especially lately. Coming from the home I grew up in, and now being who I am in college, I feel like I have to start really becoming a much better version of myself. This is good pressure I think! It encourages me to get in the Word, be more positive, spend more time in prayer, and ultimately be far more introspective in my own Spiritual life.

It is so easy to feel inadequate in this world. It is easy to look at other people, other believers in particular, and feel like we are not good enough for the Kingdom. It is easy to judge someone’s relationship with Christ based on its outward appearance: the way they worship, how many Bible studies they attend, the Christian camps they work at, the time they spend at church, their apparent lack of sin, their “public holiness.”  The list goes on and on. In the same way, it is so easy to base our own “success” in our spiritual life based on how many of these outward expressions of the faith ring true in our own lives. Are we doing enough? Are we radical enough? Am I attending enough church events? Do I have evidence of my faith in my social media? Do I look like I’m on fire for Christ?

I recently read an article called “Sexy Christianity,” which addressed the idea that it has become culturally trendy to be “on fire for God.” The article calls us not to live out a radical faith because it is “trendy” or “edgy.” Our generation in particular seems to be fixated on this idea of being “all in” for the Cross. But, are we really all in? Or is our social media all in? Is our summer vacation all in? Is our weeknight schedule all in? Are we on fire for the Lord to ignite a flame that glorifies the Lord or acts as a smoke signal for ourselves?

The purpose of the Christian life is not to glorify our own lives but to point to Jesus. This does not have to be done in some grandiose way. Friends, you do not have to work as a Christian camp counselor every summer to be doing the Lord’s work. You do not have to do the internship with your local church’s college ministry to be a legitimate Christ follower. You do not have to wear Lifeway shirts and read your Bible in cool coffee shops and have a verse in your Twitter bio to spread Christ’s message. Writing this blog does not make my faith any more real. We are the hands and feet of God, not a promotional video for him. The way we spread Christ is by being Christ: in how we treat. others, in how we act both in and out of the church, in the words that we say and those that we don’t, in how we love.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. Working as a Christian camp counselor is AWESOME. Lifeway shirts are cool. Everyone loves quaint coffee shops. Doing that church internship is a great way to strengthen your walk with Christ. But don’t look for things of this world to qualify your relationship with the Lord. Our outward appearance does not define who we are. The only one who will ever know the true desires and focus of your heart is Jesus; he is the only person to whom you are accountable.

Comparing ourselves to others, especially our faith, is parasitic to our own individual spiritual growth. God imagined you, knew you, and created your soul long before you were ever born. He began a work in your heart for his Kingdom before you even had a name. Before you knew how to speak or had any control over your thoughts and actions, he was creating a plan in you for how you would impact this world. What makes you think that he is not at work in you now?

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance, in your book we were written, every one, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!” 

–Psalm 139:13-18

Just because your life looks different from someone else’s does not mean that God is not going to use you. He already is. A burning passion for the Lord is only good if the flame is continuously nurtured. Otherwise, it fizzles out. If fiery Christianity is nothing but a cultural trend, what will happen to the faiths of those people when the trend is over? What about when the world beings to tell them they are wrong? Our faith is not only strengthened by the church conferences we attend or the services we participate in or the groups we are a part of. Our relationship with Christ is a day-by-day commitment to his Word and his Will. And that is not always “trendy” or “cool” or “edgy.” It’s real and raw and honest and challenging and a constant work in progress.

You are a work in progress; you are never going to be finished. You are never going to reach some divine moment in your spiritual life where you have all the answers and everything becomes easy.  The truth is, you’re never going to have it all together. And the honest truth? No one else does either. Even in season of being on the hypothetical Mountaintop, you aren’t going to have all the answers. Things are never going to be easy or perfect, and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is not being honest. The Gospel calls us to take up our crosses daily and follow him (Luke 14:27). I don’t know about you, but I don’t see anything glamorous (or instagram worthy for that matter) about this image. “Taking up your cross in Jesus’ time meant carrying your own execution device while facing ridicule on the way to death.” (John Koessler) What about that is “trendy” and “cool?”

It’s not supposed to be! It’s supposed to be real. Challenging. Most importantly, it’s supposed to change your life. I know that if I was literally carrying my own cross and following Jesus, I wouldn’t have the time or the energy to look around and see how everyone else was carrying theirs. The Lord wants to do a work in your life, exactly where you are. He doesn’t need you to be better or cooler or happier or less broken. He needs you to be willing to start working with him. You don’t need to have it all together, you need to admit to Jesus that you are in need of his help. Do not be concerned with what others thing of you, and certainly not what they think about the validity of your relationship with Christ. Find comfort in the one who knows you and loves you in spite of the fact that you are broken. Rejoice in the fact that he is working in you despite your past and your circumstances. God used Paul, the murderer of Christians. God used Timothy and Jeremiah, the young ones. God used Peter, who denied Christ. God used Lazarus, the dead man. God used Rahab, the prostitute. None of these people looked like “sexy Christians.” They were just regular people, broken and burdened, in need of a Savior, who were willing to do God’s work alongside him. Will you stop trying to be better at being a Christian and start trying to be better at giving it all to Christ? We are living to glorify HIS name and HIS purpose. The Kingdom is at hand, and it’s all his. Are we trying to write our names on it, or are we proclaiming that it’s all his?

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” –Galatians 1:10

Lord, we are broken people. It is impossible for me to have it all together, this you and I both know. I pray that you will teach me to thrive in my brokenness, to lean on you because I know I cannot stand on my own. Remind me of who I am in you, and do not let my heart believe that I must be someone else. Strengthen my faith that I may be of best use to you, Lord. Align my heart with your will that I may know the desires of yours. I love you, Lord. I am so thankful that you love a sinner like me.

rush + recall

I remember this time last year.

In light of the sorority recruitment process being in full swing at Alabama (and loads of other schools across the country as well), I wanted to touch on some things that I remember writing in my journal this time last year when I was going through rush.

Going through recruitment is easily one of the best decisions I made when coming to college. That being said, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, ladies. Rush is stressful, no matter what side of the system you are on. It’s fun, exciting, new—yes, but also stressful. Much of this process is determined by one person’s perception of another: bullet points on a resume, a house’s reputation, outfits worn, credentials earned, and the list goes on and on. With that in mind, I believe it’s important to remember a few things.

1.     Your worth is not determined by what anyone else thinks of you.

It is all too easy to be caught up in all the superficiality of rush. It’s easy to start comparing yourselves to others, over-analyzing conversations you had during rounds, wishing you had said something different or worn something different or made a different decision. All of that is so understandable. But it’s important not to let anything that happens during the week affect your view of yourself. Your worth, beauty, and value were all determined by the Lord long before you were even created, and CERTAINLY long before you ever decided to go through rush. You are beautiful. You are loved. You are exactly who you are supposed to be.

“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you!” –Song of Solomon 4:7

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the wearing of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” –1 Peter 3:3-4

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” –Ephesians 2:10

2.    “Trust the system.”

This is something that I’m sure you will hear endlessly throughout the week of recruitment. Your recruitment counselor, active members, and other PNMs will tell you this to keep you from being let down by the outcome of various rounds of recruitment. And it’s true! I can speak from experience when I say that sometimes recruitment does not go as you may hope or imagine it will. Sometimes, a house you really loved does not invite you back. Sometimes, you end up in a house you never pictured being in. But it’s okay, because 99% of the time, recruitment works out best for you in spite of what you may think after each round and even on bid day However, it’s not the “system” or some other elusive sorority formula that you should trust; trust that the Lord is going to lead you to the place that will most glorify Him. To glorify Him, not yourself. Do not believe the misconception that God doesn’t care about sorority recruitment, because He does!!! He cares about every single element of your life on earth. He cares for you and wants the best for you, even if it isn’t what you want. Where you end up may not be where you wanted to be, but remember that God will never lead you somewhere without preparing the way. If you put your trust in Him, you avoid being upset or disappointed. He will lead you where He wants you to go and He will be with you.  

“And now, O Lord God, you are that God, and your words be true, and you have promised this goodness to your servant.” -2 Samuel 7:28

“And they that know your name will put their trust in you: for you, Lord, have not forsaken them that seek you.” –Psalm 9:10

3.    Regardless of where you end up, you are called to be a light.

As Christ followers, we are the very hands as feet of Jesus. In ever situation, ever walk of life, every single day, we are to be a light to those around them. The sorority that you pledge is sure to become a huge part of your life. These are the people that are going to surround you every day. These people become your closest friends, your accountability partners, and your confidants. With this in mind, your sorority house is a mission field. Regardless of which house you pledge, there are certainly going to be people that need to hear the Good News that is Christ. This presents you with a golden opportunity to influence those around you. It is your responsibility to be a positive light for them. No matter what kind of situation you are in, which house you are in, and who your pledge sisters are, you are called to do His will. Get involved, get to know people, share your heart, and BE the Gospel.

“You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I alone am God. Before me, there is no other god, there never has been, and there never will be.” –Isaiah 43:10

Recruitment can truly be a life-changing experience. I can confidently say that, had it not been for my sorority, I would not be who I am today. I found a community of God-fearing women who encourage me, love me, and challenge me to seek Christ each and every day. Stay positive, trust in the Lord’s plan, and remembered how very loved you are. Be a light, you are the apple of the Creator’s eye pretty ladies!

God, I pray that you fill me with your presence this week. Fill the hearts of all the girls who embark on this journey. Remind them that you love them. Challenge them to trust in you even when they are doubtful. Help me to be a light to others this week. I love you, and I will glorify you, for I am so thankful.

wandering + waking

So… I guess the only way to start this is

I am back.

So hi. I know it’s been 3 months since my last post. It’s been a loooooooong summer. I won’t bore you too many details about any of it in particular, but let’s just say this may not be the happiest thing I’ve ever written.

The last 3 months have been both a whirlwind and terribly boring. In short, my brother got married (and that was probably the only real thing I did this summer) so I spent a lot of time helping prepare for that, which involved traveling and decorating and crafting and lots of fun things. Most of my friends were only home for short periods of time, or they were working full time, so I spent a lot of time running errands and learning to cook new things and driving around to pass the time.

My summer has seemed to drag on for all eternity. But when I look back I realize that I don’t have a whole lot to show for it.

I didn’t get into wicked shape.

I didn’t read all the books I had planned to.

I didn’t paint enough or take near enough pictures.

I didn’t explore all the cool places I wanted to.

I did play a lot of guitar and drive a lot of miles and watch a lot of movies.

But the one thing I am most sad that I didn’t do was spend adequate time with my Savior.

My time spent with the Lord in my freshman year of college is what first inspired me to blog. I was in such a good place and I was so focused on my walk with Him. And my weekly blog posting actually motivated me to spend more time in the Word and in fellowship with people. So when the summer rolled around, I was lonely and bored and at a standstill with my faith. So, with little motivation to blog due to a slow momentum in my spiritual life, I had little motivation to read the Word, which gave me even less motivation to blog…you see my problem here. It was a vicious cycle of losing the sweet intimacy with Christ that I had been working so long to make paramount.

The thing about drifting from my relationship with Him is that I didn’t really even notice. Everything in life was going just fine, as things normally do. I wasn’t depressed. My life didn’t begin to fall apart, though in some strange way, I wish that it had. My prayers each day were “pleases” for safety and happy days and “thank yous” for all He had done for me. But when I finally realized that I hadn’t held a real, vulnerable, open conversation with God in almost two months, all I could do was look back and stare blankly at all the time I had wasted.

My dad has always told me that our spiritual journey is not a constant straight line, but more of a winding road. Sometimes, you are on the mountain top. Your relationship with the Lord is intimate and strong. You are remaining faithful and fleeing all temptation. Things are glorious. Sometimes, you are in the valley. Sin and Satan are ruling your thoughts and deeds, you are turning from God’s righteousness, and things seem hopeless. But sometimes, you are on a plateau. It is calm, but not beautiful. You can see the sadness of the valley and the joy of the mountain top. There is no great despair, but also no great hope. You are stuck, he would say. And here I am. Stuck.

The Bible tells us that we will answer to all of our life’s decisions at the gates of heaven. Some days, I wonder if Jesus will ask me about this season in my life, and all the times in which I have absolutely adored and obeyed him, and if He will ask me, “why did you pick that over me?”

I want my love and devotion for Jesus to be wild and passionate, unwavering and unending, relentless and reckless, just as his is for me. I think what has kept me from living a radical life the Lord is the misconception that there could be anything better than Jesus. That there is some other form of long-term satisfaction, something else that brings true and lasting joy, some other way we can feel at peace. Maybe it’s relationships, social standing, material things, occupations, opportunities in the world, and the list goes on.  But y’all, Jesus is better. He is always better. Never have I indulged in a sin, wallowed in insecurities, or spent time trying to please the world and thought to myself “wow, this is so much better than loving and being loved by Jesus.” How ridiculous does that sound anyway?

We are the bride of Christ. No form of infidelity can ever satisfy. Choosing another man over your husband will only lead to the downfall of your marriage. And in the same way, choosing ANYTHING over Jesus will only lead to the destruction of a relationship with the only one who truly knows you. As I said in a previous post, the only one who can satisfy the human heart is the One who created it. The further you keep yourself from the Creator, the harder your heart will become.

So this summer, I have been a bit like Jonah. I have been distancing myself from God because I thought that maybe there was something better that obeying Him. Jonah fled the presence of the Lord and took his own path. And we all know what happens next in the story. But how did Jonah save himself? He cried out to the Lord.

“I called out to the Lord, out of my distress, and he answered me;

out of the belly of Sheol I cried,

and you heard my voice.

for you cast me into the deep,

into the heart of the seas,

and the flood surrounded me;

all your waves and your billows

passed over me.

Then I said, ‘I am driven away

from your sight;

yet I shall again look

upon your holy temple.’

The waters closed in over me to take my life;

the deep surrounded me;

weeds were wrapped around my head

and the roots of the mountains.

I went down to the land

whose bars closed up on me forever

yet you brought my life up from the pit,

O Lord my God.

When my life was fainting away,

I remembered the Lord,

and my prayer came to you,

into your holy temple.

Those who pay regard to vain idols

forsake their hope of steadfast love.

But I with the voice of thanksgiving

will sacrifice to you;

what I have vowed I will pay.

Salvation belongs to the Lord!”

-Jonah 2:2-9

He expressed how God had fulfilled his every need and how He had saved him. He gave thanks. He offered himself as a sacrifice. He was sorry. He loved God and did not want to be far from him any longer. He realized that nothing was better, because Jesus is better.

So this season of life has not been ideal. I have cried and been angry and been lonely, but also tried to chase the joy in front of me. But in our weeping and our celebrating and even in the mundane of every day, He wants to be invited in. He doesn’t just want us when we are in good condition, and we don’t just need Him when we are broken. He wants every bit of us in every hour of every day. He wants us to love and obey Him in every season. I am married to Christ my Savior, and I always will be. For the rest of my life and through all of eternity, my relationship with Him must be the most important thing in my life. Like all other relationships, it takes work. It takes time spent reading His Word, a love letter to the world. It takes time spent in prayer, both speaking and listening. It takes endurance and devotion and unshifting eyes. But it is so worth it because Jesus is better.

God, I’ve been wandering for far too long, but I am waking up. This season in my life has only further proven that my joy can only be found in You. I look forward to the days ahead as you lead me through them. I am so sorry for ever thinking I could do it on my own. I need you, today and every day forever, and I promise to love and honor you. Thank you for pursuing me no matter how far I run. I am turning around to rest in you.